just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
