TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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