i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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