You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
