Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
