so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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