it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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