So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize