fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
