Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
