yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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