Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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