You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sorry about my life...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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