Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
