went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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