i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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