I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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