I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
