Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
