I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
