I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
