i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
