Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
