look no pants
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
