youre lurking in front of me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
