I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Plan B is the new Plan A
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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