someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
