she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
