I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
