1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
