Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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