I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
