That's when you crack a 10am beer
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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