this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
