my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
