Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
