My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
