the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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