He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
