I wish I could teleport
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
