I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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