I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
