Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
