If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
