Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
