if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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