dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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