The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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