Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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