well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
