sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
