stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
