your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
