That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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