We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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