After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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