I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
