You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
