is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Say something about gay babies.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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