I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
