Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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