@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
