So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
