Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
