I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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