the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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