UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
