Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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