And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
