Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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