I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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