what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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