med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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