My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
