oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
