I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
