I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize