did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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