i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
