the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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