i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
