I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
