my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
