my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize