He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
