people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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