What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
