You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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