So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
