Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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