My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
