so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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