Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
