my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize