Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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