I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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