even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
