She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
