Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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