When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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